Who I am & Whose I am
I am a mess. I've messed up. A lot. Daily. I procrastinate, I need more alone time than my schedule allows, I am moody when I'm tired (which is most of the time), I am opinionated, sarcastic, and my facial expressions do not do a great job of hiding my thoughts. I have anxiety. I squeeze the toothpaste wrong, I don't like mushrooms or ice in my water, I have about 14 1/2 unfinished projects in my craft area, I get annoyed at my family when they chew too loud, I am spontaneous, and I turn the air conditioning down to make it cold in the house so I can cover up with a blanket. All of those smaller things (and many more, if you ask my family) are nothing compared to larger mistakes I've made in my life. Everyone has things that if they looked in the mirror, they would not know who that person was.
I go to church. I don't just show up like I had previously in life, but I genuinely love it. I love the people, our pastors, the message, and getting into the worship songs. This introvert loves talking to the people I have formed such sweet relationships with. I teach the upper class high school girls. I am involved in a small group that has some of the most eclectic and best people you will ever meet. Despite growing up in church, my life looks very different now than it used to. I am not just going through the motions, I am changed. He changed me. My life is not happier and better right now because of anything that I have done, but of the hope and peace that I find in Him. Are all of my problems gone? No, not in the least. Will my life be perfect and easy from here on out? Definitely not. Are all of my sins forgiven? Absolutely. Will I continue to mess up? Absolutely, but I am still fully loved.
I know who I am and whose I am.
We are not what we have done in the past. I am not better than anyone else because I go to church. We are all broken. All lost. All hurting and in need of a rescuer. The only reason I shine now is because He shines through me. My life is better now because HE is better. And it is for absolutely anyone. You don't have to feel the shame of your past, or fear your future. You don't have to feel helpless, and hopeless, and unloved. I've been there. For a long time I was wandering and searching, feeling hopeless and unlovable. The more I screwed up, the more unlovable I believed I was. I know that feeling, and the downward spiral it can create of trying to fill it with everything other than what you really need. Spoiler alert, you won't find it by drinking, eating, smoking, partying, in your children, your friends, or even the love of your life - no matter how handsome he is.
Ephesians 2:8-10 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
While it is not a free pass to do as we please, how amazing is it to know that there is nothing you could do to make Him love you more & nothing you could do to make him love you less. The only true example of Unconditional Love. Please let me know if I can pray for you. Believe me, you want in on this.
(photo taken during our camping trip in the North Carolina mountains)