I Want You To Have It All
“Love is taking a few steps backward, maybe even more…to give way to the happiness of the person you love.” - Winnie The Pooh
You spend their whole lives preparing for this without really understanding what this is. As any parent knows, there isn't a baby manual. But, if there was, on one of the first pages should be a reminder that they are not ours. We are chosen to guide them for a short while until they leave (not a fan of this word) us to go out on their own. Their whole lives we are teaching them to talk, to walk, to eat in a way that resembles a human, to be polite, to go to the bathroom where they are supposed to, to read, to pick out clothing that won't one day have them end up on a remake of What Not To Wear, to drive, and to be responsible. We have been preparing by letting go slowly so that it won't be a shock to either of us. Stepping back and letting them make small mistakes under our guidance, so when they leave they are ready. But, how do you prepare to not get the daily hugs, the "I love you, Mama"s, all the snuggles and talks, and for your baby to tower over you at almost 6'2".
His nursery was decorated in the Classic Winnie The Pooh theme. We still have this Winnie the Pooh that he can now grip with the palm of his hand. I see the glimpses of who he used to be less and less in the craziness of our life. But, a sideways smirk or the way he still bounces his leg when he's nervous will send me back in years to my little guy.
I could not be more proud of who he has become. Such a great partnership from a whole lot of Jesus and a little bit of us. He's so much more than Valedictorian, National Honor Society member, French Club President, NAF Diploma Recipient, or that he secured a 5.194 GPA. I am incredibly proud of those things. But, WHO he is makes me so much more proud. He still hugs me in front of his friends, has gone on multiple missions trips to spread God's love, will collect everyone's dishes when they are finished without being asked, will literally give you the shirt off of his back if you need it, will wait to hold the door for someone approaching, is funny and kind, helpful and respectful, and has quickly become one of my favorite people. It's such a great feeling to realize you not only love your kids to the ends of this earth, but genuinely like them too.
Although we are still close, he doesn't talk to me as much as he used to. And while my mama heart longs for those conversations I am thankful. He doesn't share as much because he has such an amazing group of friends to talk to. And in this season he is in, that is so much more important. He knows I am always here, and I will wait for the moments he plops down on the edge of my bed to talk. (No matter if I'm ready for bed or not.)
I am luckier than most this year. He has chosen a great University that happens to be 1 1/2 miles
from our home. He is staying in his own bed this first year after some thought. This milestone (that feels like a mountain) is easing both of us into this new chapter of our lives, and I am thankful. For the mamas that have hugged their kids goodbye this week, you are in my prayers. Next week I will be sending off one to start middle school and one to start Kindergarten. I am oddly more terrified about both of those because as hard as mothering an adult is, he is ready. Prayers all around. Sprinkle them all over the place in these next few weeks. We all need them.
To the boy who made me a mom, I love you to the moon and back. I (can't) promise I won't show up at your college, driving up slowly next to you as you walk to your class and wave "Make good choices!". You may be what they are calling an adult now, but I am always your Mama. My lap is always here. Go get em, Bud!
"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." --Winnie the Pooh
A song was released just before his graduation and has quickly been dubbed "Carson's song" when my daughter, Emmie, asks me to play it over and over. And I don't mind. The words are so fitting for this season and to him. Click the photo below to hear it on YouTube.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” - Winnie The Pooh
May you have auspiciousness and causes of success May you have the confidence to always do your best May you take no effort in your being generous Sharing what you can, nothing more nothing less May you know the meaning of the word happiness May you always lead from the beating in your chest May you be treated like an esteemed guest May you get to rest, may you catch your breath And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows And may the road less paved be the road that you follow Well here's to the hearts that you're gonna break Here's to the lives that you're gonna change Here's to the infinite possible ways to love you I want you to have it Here's to the good times we're gonna have You don’t need money, you got a free pass Here's to the fact that I'll be sad without you I want you to have it all - Jason Mraz